The Normal Person’s Guide to the $1800 A Melbourne Cup ‘Birdcage’ Ticket

If your knowledge of horse racing is limited to animal abuse and these photos of Jacob Elordi at Fashions on the Field, you may not have heard of The Birdcage of the Melbourne Cup. Well, dear reader, let’s take a look behind the veil at this $1,800 a ticket paradise for people who frankly have too much money.

The Birdcage is a collection of large marquees that were traditionally only open to members of the Victoria Racing Club. This year it is open to non-members. For the very very low price of $1,800, us normals can now enter the Villa Paradiso tent at Victoria Racing Club! Wow, consider my weekend plans booked shit.

That $1,800 buys you a seven-course meal package and unlimited drinks, plus the chance to talk to other very wealthy people. Come for the oysters, stay for the investment banker who loudly explains the cost of living.

The Birdcage features a massive group of sponsors like champagne brand Mumm, wine company Penfolds, beer company Furphy, TAB, Paramount and car brand Lexus.

According age, the Mumm marquee offers “traveling oyster shellers, champagne cocktails and a croque monsieur with ‘smoked crocodile instead of ham'”. Tell me this isn’t a Disney villain’s favorite meal.

There is also a private dining area for eight people under the marquee, to which some people will be invited. Shit, it’s really giving the Capitol in The hunger Games.

The Lexus marquee offers food sessions and a dessert bar, as well as a “souvenir perfume to go”. Yeah, you hope there’s a goodie bag included.

In contrast, the Furphy Marquee is essentially pub swank. For only $6, I could have a Furphy’s in my local. Yeah the carpet is tacky and there are no celebrities but at least it doesn’t cost $1800 to get in.

By agea number of marquees have “key guests”, including the model Duck Thothactress-slash-model Elsa Pataki and actress Rachel Griffiths.

Here are some other things you could buy with $1800: A ticket to Berlin to commemorate the closing of Berghain. Enough Squishmallows to build a fort big enough for three adults. Two weeks rental in Sydney. A pet alpaca to live in your garden.

Or you can rub shoulders with Melbourne’s wealthy elite and drown your sorrows in a mind-numbing amount of champagne.

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Image: Getty Images/Sam Tabone

Herman C. Harkins